Passive consumption has turned into one of our biggest problems.
Humans have an innate desire to minimize friction that prevents us from getting something done. As a result, we developed numerous solutions that minimize this friction — like Amazon, Netflix, and Instagram.
These services have made it easier and quicker for us to make decisions by providing curated feeds of content accessible through our smart devices. At first, I thought this was making our lives better, but then I started questioning whether there were any negative repercussions for having everything conveniently available to us.
In this moment of questioning, I noticed that I actually wasn’t making a lot of decisions for myself. I was simply picking what was being suggested by these services. That’s when I started to feel less and less human. I felt like a lab rat that companies were using to do their A/B testing to help improve their product. I wasn’t making decisions based on what I truly wanted.
But that begged the question: What is it that I truly want?
To dive deeper, I need to take a step back and provide some more background on the kind of life I lived.
In my 20s, I worked at an extremely demanding job — so demanding that I refer to those days as “corporate slavery”. I regularly worked 60 to 80 hours per week. And because of this, I lacked the energy to do anything outside of work. This is when I started defaulting to convenience — same day Amazon deliveries instead of running errands, connecting on social media rather than meeting people face-to-face, and weekend Netflix binging to recover from a life I didn’t want to live.
This was my life. And I absolutely hated it.
When I was 26, after 5 years of living this life, I had a gigantic (and unacceptable) outburst towards my mother. The only thing I remember from that outburst was saying that I had no choice but to stay in the situation I was in.
Looking back, that moment was one of the critical turning points in my life because I was disgusted with myself. I knew that I needed to change, but I had no idea what needed changing.
The main thing that stuck with me from that moment was my use of the words: “I have no choice.” I live in America, a country that provides so much choice and opportunity. Yet here I was, standing in the middle of the living room, screaming that I had no choice.
As I searched for answers, I stumbled across a book called Essentialism by Greg McKeown. The book primarily discusses the principle of not just getting more done, but ensuring that we get the right things done.
When reading the book, this quote resonated with me deeply: “When we forget our ability to choose, we learn to be helpless.”
It was true — I was helpless. I was allowing my past choices and the current lack thereof to fully dictate the trajectory of my life. Essentialism introduced me to the concept of simple, intentional living. I define intentional living as making deliberate choices to put what matters most at the center of my life.
In order to live a more intentional life, I first tried to make a list of what I considered to be the most important pillars. While I was making this list, I experienced a harsh realization that I had spent so much time on trivial things and people that really weren't important to me. I didn’t want to admit that I had wasted so much time, which made it harder for me to exclude things from the list. But I had to look at myself in the mirror and make the difficult choice. So I ended up with a list of three pillars:
- Maximize time with my wife, family, and close friends (naming specific people);
- Take better care of my body and mind;
- Treat others, my surroundings, and objects with kindness and respect.
To align my life to these pillars, I started making incremental changes. Surprisingly, it wasn’t that hard to identify changes I needed to make once I clearly wrote down what my priorities were.
For priority 1, I quit my demanding job for another that had lower, more flexible working hours. This primarily translated to more time spent with my wife as it allowed us to go on date nights on weekdays. I also started making a more conscious effort to schedule face-to-face time with family and specific friends. One of the hardest decisions was identifying which friends were critical to me and cutting relationships with those that I had shallow connections with.
To take better care of myself, I started strength training regularly and developed an interest in long distance running. I even deleted all my social media accounts because it was the root of my social anxiety — this honestly might be the single biggest quality of life change I made as it significantly reduced mental fatigue.
The last priority is the most unique one and is a byproduct of my cultural background. There is a core principle in Japanese living centered around respecting space and objects. Previously, I was guilty of over consumption, which was exemplified by my use of convenient services. I wanted to reduce my consumption, reduce waste, and practice gratitude for what I already had.
I will discuss the changes I made and things I omitted in greater detail in forthcoming posts, but for now the point that I want to convey is this: I regained my ability to choose and I took back control of my life.
Every day, we are choosing to act or not to act. We are choosing to make choices for ourselves or allowing others to make choices on our behalf. I allowed others to make choices for me for a long time. And with each choice I allowed them to make, I lost a fragment of myself. I don’t want this to happen to you.
Today, you have a choice. You have the opportunity to live a more intentional life. You have the opportunity to take control of your life. So what will you choose — a life worth living or a life on autopilot?
Welcome to The Intentional Café.
