Growing up, my parents put me in a lot of different activities. Basketball, tennis, piano, art, swimming, baseball, golf to name a few. On top of this, I had my own hobbies like writing, video games, and movies. I participated in so many different activities, yet I don’t think I ever fell in love with the process of them. Looking back, I actually only loved winning at whatever I was doing. I loved the end result, but I didn’t love the journey to get there.
Out of everything I did, there were three things that stuck with me for a long period — like over 10 years. That was basketball, tennis, and video games. I played on multiple basketball teams through high school that won many championships and leagues. I was one of the top ranked tennis players in my state at some point. I also reached one of the highest ranks in the video game that I played.
I achieved all this, but there was one critical thing I hated doing — practicing. I don’t think this is a hot take. I had a difficult time enduring the mundane, repetitive nature of practice when I was producing good end results. On top of that, I hated all the running I had to do just because I made a mistake. We’re all human, so we all make mistakes. Why do I have to run 100s of miles just to make up for them?
Looking back, I believe this was what held me back from being great at what I did. I think I was good at what I did, but I don’t think I was great. Yes, I was in the top ranks and yes, I won some championships. But I never won any meaningful games or matches against the people that were ranked higher than me. And I believe that simply comes down to the amount that I practiced.
Winning is fun. You have the crowds cheering for you. You get praise from your coaches and your parents. You get to tell your friends about it. Just visualizing this got me excited. This was what fueled me to go to the practices I didn’t like going to. But what happens when you aren’t winning?
Like everyone does, I hit a wall of loss streaks. I remember I fell out of being a top 50 tennis player in my state to around 200. I went from being a top 50 video game player to a top 1000. I got demoted from playing varsity basketball to playing junior varsity. What did I do when I hit these rough patches? Well, I quit.
When winning is the only thing that fuels you to keep doing something, if you remove winning, there really is no purpose to do that thing anymore. I vividly remember that when I quit, I thought to myself that I did everything that I could and I just wasn’t talented enough. Now, I understand that that was definitely not the case.
I simply didn’t practice enough. I didn’t study enough. I didn’t put in the work every single day to be as good as I could be. But I also now understand that I had no reason to do all this if I didn’t love the actual activity. Why would I make myself go through this process if I didn’t like the process itself?
When I was 25 and was stuck being the cog in the American corporate system, I went through a “quarterly life crisis” where I thought I was never going to find something that I truly loved doing. My parents put me in all those activities and I didn’t love doing any of them. I had these individual hobbies and I didn’t love doing any of those either. And here I was, working a job I didn’t love, trying my hardest just to get myself out of bed to show up to make my next paycheck. I was depressed because I thought this was all there was to life.
5 years later, after I turned 30, I finally found something that made me excited to get up every single day. Something where winning wasn’t my primary motivation. I was astonished that it took 30 years to find it, but I was relieved that I was able to find something. That something is running.
It’s actually so ironic because running as punishment was what made me hate going to basketball or tennis practice. Yet somehow I was able to find joy in running over 10 years after I was done playing these sports. You can read more about how I started my running journey here: On Running.
So what is it about running that made me fall in love with it?
Running helped me feel present. On every run, it’s just you, your body, your mind, the road you’re running on, and the scenery that surrounds you. With each run, I just think about each step as I take them and soak in every moment as is.
Running is a way to show gratitude for our bodies. I’m always amazed by how far and how long my body can run. As you run more, your body is able to adapt in a way that can handle running more. With each mile, your legs, back, and heart get stronger. Seeing that progress is a form of winning to me.
Running has shown me different scenes and experiences that I wouldn’t have been able to see otherwise. I get to explore new areas. I get to experience nature and sounds that are only available to me at that moment. I mentally get to experience a new me with every run. On days that are hard, I get to witness how I handle adversity. On days that are easy, I get to witness how I’m overcome with joy.
Yes, races are nice because they provide some measurement of success. Hitting new records during races could be seen as a form of winning. But surprisingly, I actually don’t really feel the need to constantly participate in them. I don’t need to hit a new record to enjoy running.
I simply enjoy running every morning. I enjoy listening to my audiobook or podcast, or just sitting in my thoughts every morning while I run. I enjoy saying good morning to the people I run past. I enjoy seeing the birds fly over my head, touching the leaves of trees, and smelling the crisp air. For the first time in my life, I finally understood what it meant to fall in love with the process.
For those of you that haven’t been able to experience falling in love with the process yet, I encourage you to keep going and trying new things. I promise you that there is something for you out there. It took me 30 years to stumble across this. For you, it might take 10 years or 50 years, but there is definitely something out there for you.
So will I stop racing because I’ve fallen in love with simply running everyday? No. I’m going to run in many marathons and other races as long as my body allows me to. But this time, I’m confident that I’ll continue to run even if the result of my races isn’t the one I wanted.
But I’m also confident that I’m going to get the results that I want as long as I keep loving running. As Kobe Bryant once said, the days where you get up early or stay up late and work hard — those days are the dream. The dream is not the destination, it’s the journey.
This is the dream. And I am living it.
Welcome to The Intentional Café.
