How do we live in the present without sacrificing the future?
Over the last month, I have been struggling to find the answer to this question. This has become one of the most pressing questions in my life as I continue to transition to a new phase of it. Becoming a father, turning another year older, and watching those around me age has put this question front-and-center in my life.
As humans, no matter what we do, there will come a time when we die. Aging is inevitable, but we don’t know when our time will come to an end. That puts us in an interesting situation where we have to balance living today as if it were our last, but also the possibility that we would live until we are 90. These two things clearly contradict each other.
Looking back, I believe I have done a good job planning for a long life. I have taken my health, finances, and career seriously to set me up for this. But I don’t know if I have done enough to have no regrets if I were to die today.
I chose not to experience certain foods or beverages because I didn’t think it was healthy. I have missed out on going to new places for vacation because I didn’t want to spend money. And I lost a lot of time I could have spent with friends and family because instead I chose to work.
Had I spent too much time worrying about the future that I wasn’t enjoying the present? You could argue that I did.
Even if that were the case, there are some things I don’t regret. Because I have taken my health seriously, I feel great on a day-to-day basis and haven’t experienced health complications. Because I saved money aggressively, my wife and daughter would be left with all the money that they need to live, if I was no longer here. And because I worked hard early on in my career, I was able to get a job with great flexibility,
But what I realized is that I struggle with this question deeply because I do have regrets.
My greatest regret is that I had not spent enough time with my parents before they both passed — I even regret not spending enough time with my dog and cat before they passed. At the core of my question, I am asking myself this:
How do I avoid regret that I didn’t spend enough time with close family and friends?
Looking back, I realized that the things I wouldn’t regret are things if my time were to come to an end. But these are not regrets I would avoid if close family and friends around me were to pass.
If my wife were to pass, I would have regrets that we didn’t go on our dream trip to Europe. If my cat were to pass, I would have regrets that I didn’t play with him more everyday. If my in-laws or my friends were to pass, I would have regrets that I didn’t go visit them more. If I were to have all these regrets, does that mean that I am not doing enough today? Is there more I need to be doing now to minimize this regret?
I don’t know.
In my post On Buying Time, I discussed the concept of how every dollar you save today is a dollar you don’t need to earn in the future. I realize now that there is another side to that coin — there is no guarantee that every minute you buy in the future would come to fruition.
How do I purchase my ticket to freedom in the future, while also redeeming some for freedom in the present?
I truly don’t know.
This post is not a traditional post for me because I truly have no answers for this question. But this is what life is — an endless journey and pursuit for answers on how to live. I may not have the answers now and I may never find the answers, but I will continue to ask questions and think deeply about this. And I hope you will too.
You may come to an answer more quickly than I do. Honestly, you may already have the answers. The Intentional Café is not a space for me to tell you all the answers I discovered — it’s a space for you to share your answers with me as well. If you do have thoughts on this, I hope you would share them with me. I’m curious as to how you are maximizing living in the present, while also preparing for the future.
Welcome to The Intentional Café.
