Recently, I was forced to reflect back onto my career because my company went through a significant round of layoffs. Before it was complete, I honestly had no idea whether I would be impacted or not. I spent weeks wondering if I would be and what it meant to me if I had lost my job. I reached a conclusion that surprised me — I wish I had been laid off.
I have talked about my job in some previous posts (On Intentional Living, On Buying Time, On Contentment) and how I am grateful for my current role. I have a job that pays me more than enough, gives me flexibility, and doesn’t demand rigorous hours. On paper, I would say my job is ideal — at least based on what I prioritize. Before I go further, I want to be clear that I am truly grateful for my job. It has provided me with so many opportunities to truly enjoy what life has to offer. But then that begs the question — why did I hope to be laid off?
This round of layoffs at my company was the weirdest layoff I have ever experienced. Leadership transparently told us in advance that there were going to be layoffs impacting a significant amount of people. But then they stopped communicating altogether and left us waiting for months to hear whether we would be impacted. Not only did this torpedo employee morale, it created a fissure amongst various teams where employees were fighting to prove they were worthy to stay.
Projects came to a standstill. People started applying to external job opportunities. Nobody had any idea how their lives were going to be impacted going forward. Throughout all of this, I truly questioned whether leadership respected any of its employees.
Beyond that, I started to question a lot of things. Is this the company that I want to work for and dedicate my time to? Am I actually working in a role and on projects that I could be proud of? If I were to leave the company, what would I want to work on and what would I be doing with my time? Unfortunately, the answer I had to these questions was that I didn’t know. It felt like I was walking around a dark room trying to find answers. But all I found was the unknown — and this left me in an abyss of anxiety.
At the time, I thought that the months I had spent waiting to hear about the layoffs were awful. But looking back, it actually gave me a lot of time to reflect. I wondered a lot about what it would look like to work for myself instead of working for a corporation and whether finance was the field I wanted to keep working in. I allowed my mind to wander beyond what I thought was the epitome of a perfect career when I first graduated college — climbing the corporate ladder and working for a big, well-known corporation.
My mind and perspective on my career went on a journey. And at the end of that journey, I realized that this job was no longer where I wanted to be. There was a time and place that made this job perfect for me before, but that time and place had passed. Right now, I feel called to something different — starting my own project, working for myself, and doing work that is intentional and purposeful.
I’m not sure what that entails. Even though that is the case, I want to respect and acknowledge that I no longer want to just be one employee amongst thousands. I don’t want my fate to be decided by a CEO or CFO who is trying to maximize value for their shareholders. I want to work on something valuable and have an impact on meaningful relationships.
You may be reading this and thinking that this is all just wishful thinking, that this is taking on unnecessary risk for someone in their 30s with a family. That’s true. But what is the purpose of The Intentional Café? It is to live a more intentional life by pursuing what matters most.
I may have lost sight of that in my career. Although this job provided me with an opportunity to live an intentional life outside of work, I was choosing to not live an intentional life in my career. I need to change that. Better yet, I will change that.
This is currently where my thoughts are at. I’ve decided that it’s time for me to move on to the next chapter — of developing an intentional career. I don’t know where that will take me, similar to how I didn’t know what was going to happen when I wasn’t sure if I was going to get laid off. But there is something drastically different now compared to before. That abyss of anxiety that I mentioned before — yeah, that abyss is gone. I’m not anxious about my career’s fate anymore. I’m excited to see where my career, the intentional version, will go next.
For those of you that have been impacted by layoffs or are facing them in the near future, I’m sorry that you have to go through this stressful period. It must be hard to go through this period of uncertainty. And if you are the only income earner for your family, the weight of that must feel enormous. But if there is one thing I hope you take away from this post, I hope that you can look at this as an opportunity — one that will allow you to make an intentional choice in your career.
With something as significant as a career, we don’t always get opportunities to do this. It’s difficult to have the courage to leave a job that we once considered a dream job. It’s difficult to walk away from your only source of income if you are living paycheck-to-paycheck. And it’s difficult to leave a boss that you have a close relationship with. But look deep down inside and tell me — is there change that you want to spark in your career?
Has there been a burning passion inside you that you want to work on? Do you feel like you deserve a higher income for the quality of work you’re producing? Is it time to work somewhere that actually values you? An intentional career for you might look different than what it does for me. Nevertheless, let’s use this as an opportunity to take the first step toward finding our own version of an intentional career.
So how about it? Do you want to join me on this path of finding an intentional career? I just so happen to be looking for a coworker.
Welcome to The Intentional Café.
